hard conversations
Hard Conversations is a response to the popular idea that prescribing a pill is all it takes to treat erectile issues. That's just not true. The only reason it's gone unchallenged for so long is because we're desperate to avoid the raw, honest discussions we need to have about sex in general, and male sexuality in particular. We have to get over that aversion and open up what can be an emotional, but fulfilling, dialogue. To do so, we bring on guests from all over the world unpack these topics from a variety of different perspectives.
episodes
26. What a placebo effect expert says about the power of beliefs on erections?
Tim has a unique conversation with Dr. Luana Colloca - a top scientist in placebo studies - who shares insights on how our brains filter our experience of reality. This has profound implications for the ways men can get in their heads about erections, and how different aspects of our sexual environments can trigger negative placebo effects. The placebo effect can also have major impacts on pelvic pain. For clarity, a transcript is also available on the website.
25. A Top Sexual Health Urologist on How to Have Better Erections
In this episode, (recorded Mar 2020) Tim talks to Dr. Ashley Winter, urologist and cohost of The Full Release podcast. They discuss the impact of COVID on treating penile issues and how not all urologists focus on sexual health - including ways to find one who does. Dr Winter also digs into Viagra - how it can treat both erections and the stress around ED - and using medication to help create a positive sexual practice. And finally she sends a message to partners of men experiencing ED - it's not about you!
24. How to improve erections with a sex expert and erotic bodyworker
Dr. Joseph Kramer is the world's foremost teacher of erotic bodywork, helping clients to use physical modalities to direct their own erotic development. He and Tim discuss healing sexual wounds, erotic self-regulation, the epidemic of disembodiment and the "attention merchants" who steal our sexual focus. Dr. Kramer also gives outstanding advice on how to connect to your body when masturbating to porn, covering technique, breath, what your body should be doing, and what you should be thinking about.
23. Understanding “Sex Addiction” and Erectile “Dysfunction”
This week Tim speaks with Doug Braun Harvey, creator of the Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB) model. This is how certified sex therapists now collectively label what was previously referred to as "sex addiction." The two discuss the general tenets of using sex as a way of coping with anxiety, and of course, the impact of OCSB on erections!
22. How to get better erections with self compassion
This week Tim interviews internationally recognized author Christopher Germer, PhD about self-compassion and how it can help with erectile issues. They talk about the research that shows innumerable benefits to implementing self-compassion, as well as helpful tips on how to transform rumination into mindfulness, isolation into connection to humanity, and self-criticism to self kindness. Enjoy!
21. Why Somatic Sex Coaching is the Best for Erections
Today Tim interviews Charlie Glickman, PhD, a sex & relationship coach, somatic sexuality educator, and sexological bodyworker. Charlie also co-authored The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners. Tim and Charlie talk about recognizing when what's happening in your body might be adversely effecting your erections, learning to identify anxiety during sex, new ways to approach self-pleasure, and how mind-body techniques can improve your sex life. Enjoy!
20. What You Need to Know About Sexual Pleasure and Social Justice
Tim talks to Dalychia Saah, an award-winning educator, writer, and speaker. She is the co-founder of Afrosexology, a sex education platform that centers the pleasure, empowerment, and liberation of people of color, and a lecturer at the Brown School of Social Work at Washington University. Tim and Dalychia discuss social justice, how culture and media impact erectile issues and sexuality (specifically for men of color), alternatives to penile-vaginal intercourse and the importance of sexual pleasure.
19. What You Need to Know About Transgender Women and Erections
This week Tim speaks with Dr. Natalia Zhikhareva, also known as Dr. Z, PhD, nationally renowned expert on transgender psychology about the wide range of erectile issues that trans women and trans feminine people experience. They talk about different expectations for genital function (determined by hormones, surgery and sexual orientation), the role gender incongruence and dysmorphia play, and most importantly, how to negotiate a new relationship to sex and intimacy.
18. How to Ruin Your Perfectly Good Erection
Today, Tim talks to psychophysiologic psychotherapist Alan Gordon, who helps patients overcome chronic pain and recover from IBS, headaches, and other mind-body disorders where stress and tension causes physical symptoms. Tim and Alan discuss the way the brain interprets 'danger' and how that can interfere with erections, and roleplay a technique to combat that anxiety. Alan also shares metaphors and stories to demonstrate the role the mind-body connection plays in managing and treating erectile issues.
17. What you need to know about erectile issues, from a legendary sex therapist
This week, Tim talks to Barry McCarthy, a giant in the field of sex therapy. Dr. McCarthy is a marital and sex therapist, and a tenured professor of psychology at American University. He literally co-wrote the book on erectile issues - "Coping with Erectile Dysfunction" - just one of many books helping men and couples achieve satisfying sex lives. They have a wide-ranging conversation about sexual intimacy, including “good-enough” sex, aging and sexuality, sexual performance, and of course, erectile issues.
16. Hope For Great Sex after Prostate Cancer
Today, Tim interviews Robert Nicholson, founder of edtreatment.info, which covers all aspects of erectile issues including causes, treatments and how to find help. They talk about priapisms, erections before and after prostate cancer, and men's first-hand experiences with penile injections, shockwave therapy, and penile implants. Robert has also collected research on personal struggles with erectile issues, including the impact on partners, and how intimacy - not erections - are what couples really miss.
15. How to Relieve Pelvic Pain and Erectile Problems
Today, Tim talks to Dr. Howard Schubiner, a world renowned specialist in psychogenic pain (pain with a psychological rather than physical origin). Dr. Schubiner explains how the brain can create pain without a corresponding physical injury and the implications for treating chronic pelvic pain. Tim and Dr. Schubiner find the similarities between treating chronic pelvic pain and chronic erectile issues and discuss the profound healing effect of retraining your brain to not regard pain and sex with fear.
14. Pelvic Pain and No Hope? You Need to Know This Expert
This week Tim talks to Stephanie Prendergast, an internationally-acclaimed pelvic floor physical therapist and author of “Pelvic Pain Explained." It can be hard identify the causes of pelvic pain, so they talk through types of pelvic discomfort and various treatment options for these chronic conditions. Stephanie also outlines the overlap between pelvic floor disorders and erectile issues, and explains the differences, providing hope and answers for people who suffer from this understudied condition.
13. How to Get Your Mind Out of the Way of Your Penis
In this week's episode, Tim talks to Dr. Steven Hayes, the founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) - a groundbreaking update to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that helps people better manage obsessive thoughts and become more mindful of their core values. Dr. Hayes offers invaluable insight on how obsessive thoughts affect erections, and how to change your relationship to those thoughts instead of hiding from them. If you make peace with them, they won't control your behavior, or your penis.
12. What You Need to Know About Blood Flow and Penis Function
Today Tim interviews to Dr. Johanna Hannan, an award-winning professor at East Carolina University's Brody School of Medicine. She studies the internal pudendal arteries (arteries that supply our genitals), and their impact on aging, cardiovascular disease, diabetes and obesity. They cover why it's difficult to gather clinical data, erectile issues caused by prostate cancer and why diet and exercise make such a big difference. Please note: Dr. Hannan discusses animal testing in her research.
11. How to Treat Erectile Issues with Meditation
Today's guest, Conor Creighton, is an Irish writer living in Germany. Conor opens up about suffering with erectile issues in his twenties, his frustrations with Viagra and how a ten-day Vipassana (silent meditation) retreat changed his life, including how it helped him address his erectile issues. It's a story of heartache, shame and perseverance. Enjoy!
10. Insights from a Sex Researcher and Neuroscientist
Tim talks to neuroscientist Dr. Nicole Prause about the neuroscience of erections (of course!), the ins and outs of conducting sex research, and how porn and partnered sex affect the brain differently. She dispels myths about the correlation between testosterone levels and erections and talks about how neuroscience likely validates the effectiveness of sensate focus. They also get technical, discussing penile salience networks, transcranial magentic stimulation and what neuroimaging tells us about sex.
9. Learning About Your Penis From a Sex-Positive Therapist
Today, Tim and sex-positive therapist Dr. Hernando Chavez talk about de-emphasizing the focus on the penis, the biopsychosocial (biological, psychological, and social) factors in sexual struggles, porn, therapeutic treatment of erectile issues, peaking, delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation, the myth of the desirability of long-lasting sex, and the politics of sex positivity.
8. A Urologist Talks About Medical Erectile Dysfunction
Today, Tim and urologist Dr. Josh Gonzalez discuss the three basic categories of medical erectile dysfunction (hormonal, blood flow, and neurological) and why pills aren't aways the best solution. Dr. Gonzalez talks about why he loves doing penile implant surgeries, the pluses and minuses of cock rings, and how to avoid priapisms (when the penis remains erect for hours). Finally, the two talk at length about the importance of integrated health care and taking the shame out of erectile issues.
7. a Sex-Positive, Tech-Nerd Porn Star Talks About Erections
This week, Tim interviews to Ela Darling, a librarian-turned-adult-film-performer and co-founder of VrTube.xx, the world’s first VR webcam software. She talks about the future of VR porn, what it’s like to be on porn sets when men face erectile issues (e.d.), interacting with clients on porn sites who are struggling with their erections, and worrying that you're not having sex like a porn star. Ela also has some great advice for people with penises and their partners.
6. Sex Tips from a Gay Porn Star / Sacred Intimate
This week Tim interviews Allen Silver, prolific porn star and graduate of San Francisco's Body Electric who also works as a 'sacred intimate.' They discuss 'play' and getting out of your head to maintain erections, and reasons ejaculation could be delayed or not happening at all. Allen explains how changing narratives/roles, working with your breath, and doing masturbation homework can transform your sexuality and discusses unconventional approaches to sex including role play, erotic trance, and I-thou.
5. How to Love Your Penis - Tips from a Tantrica
Dani Katz is a writer and Tantric healer (aka Tantrica) who works with penises, sacrums and chakras to help men become more open to receiving sexual energy. She has great insights to what's going on in the body during sex and erections (or lack thereof), and provides masturbation tips galore, such as changing angles or grips, focusing on physical sensations over sexual fantasy, easing back on porn consumption, and taking breaks from masturbation altogether. Enjoy!
4. What You Need to Know about Medical Treatment for Erectile Issues.
In today's episode, Tim talks to Max McCullen, a Men's Sexual Health Consultant. They o over the biological side of erectile issues and strategies to address them, including PDE5s (medications like Viagra, Cialis and Levitra), penile injection therapy, vacuum erection devices, vasodilating, pellet therapy, hormone replacement, and surgical penile implants. Max also talks about the five components of an erection: visual/tactile, mental, hormonal, nervous system, and blood flow, and he and Tim discuss sex-positive masculinity.
3. How to Have Better Sex - Tips from a Surrogate Partner
In today's episode, Tim talks to Laurie Bennett Cook, a former sex-worker, now a sex educator and sex surrogate, (also referred to as a surrogate partner therapist). (In describing her work, Dr. Cook says: "a large part of my job is to be a sex enabler. I assist others in achieving the level of sexual function they desire.") Tim and Dr Cook discuss the kinds of issues her clients grapple with, the process of working with a sex surrogate, the difference between a sex surrogate and sex therapist, and challenging the idea of a goal-oriented approach to sex.
2. What Happens When Sex Therapy Meets Mindfulness?
This week's episode features Giselle Jones, sex therapist. We talk about the ins and outs of erectile issues, what sex therapy is like, what it's like to work with a female sex therapist, performance anxiety, sexual trauma and its effects on sexuality, mindfulness and its benefits for erectile issues, and how to apply mindfulness to your intimacy. Giselle also kindly guides us through a mindfulness exercise as well.
1. Excited for a Podcast All About Erections?
Introducing Hard Conversations, a podcast about male sexuality. In this episode, host Tim Norton shares his background as a sex therapist, and talks about how he hopes to expand the conversation around male sexuality. He also covers some basic information about erectile issues, and adds context to why we struggle as a society to have hard conversations. Finally he breaks down how in a sex-positive environment there really is no room for taboos, judgment, or shame when it comes to penises. Enjoy.